Lately I’ve been really struggling with thinking that my life is going to be boring. Or mediocre. Obviously things right now aren’t exactly exciting. I’m waitressing… substitute teaching, and teaching piano lessons. I enjoy the lessons part because it’s music. And it’s going really well. But I don’t really have any friends here. I don’t go out and do fun stuff unless it’s with my parents (nothing wrong with that of course) or my church. I suppose that going out with friends doesn’t mean that your life has any more significance, but it definitely helps you feel like you’ve had some fun.
I’ve always wanted to be able to look back on my life and say that I have no regrets and that I did amazing things. And everyone says that THIS is the time to do that kind of thing. But I have no idea what that means for me. I have talked about living in a different place for a year like Alaska or Hawaii or something, but what would I do there? How would I afford it? I’ve looked into teaching abroad for a year or working for Teach for America and teach in a city for a few years. All of these ideas sound great, but the reason not many people do them is because it’s scary. I don’t want to go alone, but no one else seems to share the same dreams. Or at least be willing to take a chance.
I’ve been told that when I settle down (like everyone else I know seems to be doing right now) and start a family (also something else that everyone I know seems to be doing), I will have no regrets and my life will be full of excitement and adventure because I’ll be so filled with love for my family. I know that is true, but I don’t want to live the life that everyone else lives. But again… I have no idea what that even means.
I’ve always wanted to be different and do something different. I think most people would say that I am not a boring person so I won’t have a boring life, but that’s hard for me to believe. I want to take the road less traveled and see different things. Seeing what I’ve seen for my whole life wont help me grow as a person. I want to hike more mountains and kayak more lakes and rivers. Go camping, travel, learn another language, learn how to make new things. I want to see how other people live.
But I have no idea what that even means. The only thing worse in my mind than having a boring life, is having a life where I’m alone. And I don’t want to have a big life adventure on my own.
